(warning: the following entry contains information about my menstrual cycle. Sorry if anyone has a problem with that)
So, yesterday was probably the most traumatic day of my life. Since I moved to Utah, my menstrual cramps got really bad and I had to see a doctor about them and treat them and prevent endometriosis and stuff. When I was a freshmen at BYU I had cramps so bad that I ended up in the emergency room. I been able to keep them in control for the most part the past couple of years... until yesterday. I started my period the day before and things were fine. Things were even fine all day until about 3 o'clock in the afternoon. Hayden was at work and I had been home from school for about an hour. My cramps slowly set in and then turned into the most painful experience I have ever had in my entire life. I tried everything! I tried to take a bath, I stumbled around the apartment, I tried to lay in bed, but nothing helped! I even took medicine and nothing! The cramps lasted for about two hours and with every passing minute I felt myself getting weaker and weaker and dizzier and dizzier. I felt like I was going to throw up and pass out. I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror as I plowed myself on my bed and I was ghastly white. My body felt like it was going to rip in half. I screamed and cried and begged and pleaded. Sometimes it was to no one and sometimes it was to Heavenly Father. The worst part was that I was completely alone. I honestly thought that I was going to die and that I was going to die alone. I finally called Hayden at work and he came home. By the time he got home at 5, I was passed out. He woke me up and although I was very weak and dizzy, my cramps had subsided. It was a very scary and traumatic experience for me.
A big part of the reason why is that it was so hard for me to know that Heavenly Father had the power to take it all away from me, but He didn't. It got me thinking about life and all the crazy and hard times that we go through. It can be so hard to go through painful times knowing that Heavenly Father can take it all away, but won't for some reason. This is when we need very strong faith. We have to know that no matter what happens to us, Heavenly Father is there and He loves us and knows what is best for us. There is always a reason why we go through trials, but a lot of times we can't see those reasons until later on in life. I don't really know the purpose of this post, I just has a really hard day and I know there are gonna be many more and even worse days, but I also know that Heavenly Father loves me and is in total control and I trust Him to do anything. He can see the whole picture, I can't. One of the big reasons I have so much faith in Heavenly Father, despite the bad things that happen, is because of my sweet husband Hayden. I honestly know that Heavenly Father brought us together and he is my life's greatest blessing. He is my best friend and my perfect helpmeet. Everyday that I wake up next to him I am reminded of the merciful and generous Heavenly Father above that is always blessing my life. So I guess, even though life can be so freakin hard sometimes, Heavenly Father really is there and in control and we will be okay. It will pass and we will be better for it, if we have faith and stay strong. :)
